Dear Mica, Mommy is having trouble writing. I have lots of stuff I want to say to you but I can’t seem to finish a thought or find the right words. Mommy and daddy are struggling so much without you. We are both so grief stricken that it is hard to make ourselves do anything. Easter was crazy hard, mommy couldn’t even look at the little kids at the city easter egg hunt and visiting my grandma’s house and seeing your second cousin ripped at mommy and daddy’s hearts.
We finally got the report from your autopsy and as I feared they found nothing but the adenovirus. But there was no organ damage from the adenovirus, so I don’t understand how it can be considered the cause. My understanding is that if you die from the adenovirus there should be evidence of lung or brain damage caused by the infection. The only sign of an infection in your tiny little body was swollen lymph nodes. I have been talking with the SUDC (Sudden unexplained death in childhood) program and I’m hoping that they can help me understand and they might have a study coming up that will lead to more testing to see if they can find a cause.
I went to Costco the other day and there was a little boy in the cart in front of me in the check out line. He was 17 months old and kept saying hi and bye. You never had the chance to learn to say either of those but you had other words and so many signs.
Speaking of signs, Ned’s best friend mentioned you yesterday. We were walking home and talking about his little brother. He told me that his little brother (who 2 1/2) isn’t a boy yet because he doesn’t talk much but you could sign so well. It was kind of a weird connection for a 7 year old boy to make but I loved having him say your name. His little brother does talk and asked “where is Micer” a couple of weeks ago. That one made mommy cry because you two were suppose to be buddies and I don’t know how long he will remember you since he is so young.
Ned wants to plan a “fun run” this summer. Mommy and daddy are trying to steer him towards making it a memorial event for you but I’m not sure how hard to push him. We have convinced him to plan it for July sometime around your birthday. He wants to have a 1K race, but some how involve a 3-legged race and running backwards. I’m thinking we will add a pool party to the mix and raise money for the library. We will see if mommy and daddy can help Ned pull the event together.
I love you baby boy. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow too.
whatmom 